On this episode the ‘Geriatric’ Mamas discuss one of the growing struggles that many mamas are facing with the advances in fertility treatments. IVF has brought new hope to women who are struggling to conceive; and now, many are facing an unanticipated emotional dilemma: what to do with the extra embryos that they worked so hard to create. Sonia and Jessica present a question from a mama on the Mums Over 40 Facebook Group about what to do with her extra embryos, then they talk through the options and how to choose the right one for you, should you find yourself in the position of multiple miracle em-babies. Enjoy!

Topics discussed in this episode:

(02:29) Update From the 40 & Fertile AF Episode

(05:38) Intro: The Emotional Dilemma Of Extra IVF Embryos

(07:15) The Cost Of Storing Your Frozen Embryos

(08:13) The Options For Those With Extra Embryos

(19:08) Emily Simpson From Real House Wives’ Extra IVF Embryo Story

(19:50) Anonymous Mama’s Extra IVF Embryo Story

(21:21) Making The Big & Emotional Decision With Clarity

Mentioned in this episode:

Remember when… on the 40 & Fertile AF episode we talked about The Center for Reproductive Health in Nashville, with the man who was treating patients but wasn’t a licensed doctor or a medical professional of any kind? The clinic that shut down completely and unexpectedly in April while people were in the middle of their treatments, and/or had embryos created there? Well, an update was recently posted on News Channel 5.

The District Attorney decided not to press charges on the man who wasn’t a licensed Doctor and did not respond to News Channel 5’s requests for an interview.

He sent out a letter from his office stating that he "acknowledges the profound distress and pain experienced by those affected"...and said we "extend our deepest sympathies to the victims."

… yikes! Looking forward to following the story as the impacted families change this DA’s mind!

The Facebook Post Mentioned From ‘Mums Over 40’…

Hi Everyone, I had my first child at 39, naturally. Then I had 5 miscarriages before being accepted into IVF to conceive my second born at 44. I still have two embryos and 9 eggs remaining. I want to go again for a third but sadly age and time is not in my favor. I don’t want to destroy my embryos as I went through hell to get them. I lost so many potential babies, I feel if I destroy them, I’m killing them. If I donate, it’s “my baby” out there that I would not have any involvement or wouldn’t know if I passed them on the street. As I work in the scientific area, donating to science is never an option as to know they splice the embryos is like slicing my child strip by strip. To me they are all equally heart wrenching. How do I let go?! Which option do I choose?!

The Cost Of Storing Your IVF Embryos…

Once you have frozen embryos, they need to be carefully stored in liquid nitrogen until you are ready to thaw them for transfer. Storage costs usually range from $350-$600 per year, depending on the clinic.

Facebook Group Comments…

‘Is compassionate transfer an option for you?’

A compassionate transfer of embryos is a procedure where a patient requests that a medical professional transfer embryos into their body when pregnancy is unlikely to occur. The term "compassionate transfer" is used to reflect the provider's empathy in facilitating the patient's desired method of embryo disposition. 

• They believe that the embryo's passing is more similar to a miscarriage than intentional destruction 

• Not all clinics perform compassionate transfers, and those that do may charge a fee. Patients who are considering a compassionate transfer should seek support from a mental health professional and make a disposition plan.

‘I was in the same situation, transferred my last two embryos to a surrogate (one 3B and one mosaic) and ended with twins! They are 2 years old now.’

Next week the ‘Geriatric’ Mamas will have Victoria Fritz from BabyBumps on to talk more about surrogacy, the entire process from start to finish as well as the expenses involved.

‘Some people take them home and plant them in the garden or I think even put them in jewelry?’

A Heartwarming Story…

After a six-year IVF journey to receive miracles Lachlan, 4, and 21-month-old twins Charlotte and William, Belinda and Shaun Stafford didn’t know what to do with their remaining embryos. Their babies.

Donation wasn’t an option, the annual storage fee was an added financial strain, and disposing of them unimaginable.

So when the NSW couple heard about Baby Bee Hummingbirds, an Australian company turning embryos into keepsake jewelley, they jumped at the chance.

Now Ms Stafford has all of her babies with her every day – including seven embryos in her heart-shaped pendant worn close to her heart, always.

A List of Questions To Ask Yourself If You’re Thinking About Donating Your Embryos To Another Hopeful Family…

• How would we feel about another family raising a child created with our genes?

• Would it feel okay if we knew the family we donate to, or could that make it harder, seeing what might have been our child growing up with others as parents?

• Is this fair to the children involved? How will our children feel knowing they have full genetic siblings in another family? What will they make of the fact that it was the random choice of an embryologist who determined which embryo would land in our family and which in another?

• How will children who come from our donation feel? Will they feel displaced, like they landed in the wrong family? Will they, perhaps, feel a bit like a science-fiction project?

• How will we feel about possible challenges in the future: our child gets sick, the family we donate to gets divorced, we fervently disagree with the parenting style and values of the other family?

• If we decide to donate, how should we go about finding a family? Does geography or demographics matter — for example, will it feel good or more complicated to have them nearby? 

• Do we want to tell family members and friends of our decision to donate our embryos? If so, how much do we share of this information?

• If there are several embryos, do we donate all to the same family or divide them?

• For those who feel strongly about not wanting to discard embryos, it may be important to ensure that none are discarded when the receiving family feels complete.

• If our embryos were created with the help of donor eggs and/or sperm, should we seek permission or approval from the donor? How do we go about this if we do not have access to the donor?

Mom Reels For The Group Chat…

🤰 Should you bulk order pregnancy tests after your embryo transfer or just wait for your blood test?!

🤳 How to get your mom friends to stop putting you on speaker!

🐢 A head protection backpack for your baby; shop it here!

🍟 Really. McDonald’s is healthy compared to some things.

🎶 Teachers do have a lives outside the classroom, and they have playlists to prove it!

Reminder… Listeners can receive 20% off services at Ageless Medical Aesthetics in Westbrook, ME with Code: MAMAS2024 when you follow them on instagram!

Also… Receive a Free First Swim Class at Goldfish Swim in Portland, Maine with same code: MAMAS2024; you’ll need to call them to schedule your little one’s first class.

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Have your journey to motherhood featured on the Geriatric Mamas podcast!

So many women have kept their fertility struggles a secret, and endured their pain alone. It doesn’t need to feel so isolating.

If you or someone you know is 35+ and struggled with fertility, experienced heartbreaking fostering or adoption challenges, endured a miscarriage, or were perhaps flat out told by a doctor that you will never conceive naturally, and eventually found your happy ending by becoming a mama, your story could be what keeps another woman going on her journey to her miracle baby!

Send us your story and it could be featured on the next HOPEisode! 

xx, Sonia and Jessica

Disclaimer:

Please consult your physician for personalized medical and health advice. Always seek the advice of a physician or other qualified healthcare provider with any questions regarding a medical condition, your pregnancy, birth plan and post-partum treatments.

Never disregard or delay seeking professional medical advice or treatment because of something you have heard on the Geriatric Mamas podcast or website.